SAINTS

by American Cutthroat

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about

"Saints" is partially a reanimation of the "Vices In Verses" Mixtape, most of the lyrics are from the "Vices in Verses" but have been remade more original. The songs "Youth Rituals", "Whiskey Sins", and "Erase Me" did not appear on "Vices In Verses". "Saints" also begins a new sound both instrumentally and vocally for American Cutthroat.

credits

released January 15, 2016

Lyrics/Vocals: Chris Lauretti*
Programing/Guitar/Bass/Synth: Chris Lauretti
Drum Tracks (4,5,8,9,12,13,15-17), Partial Drum Tracks (7,14): Joey Ford
Drum Tracks (1-3,6,10,11), Partial Drum Tracks (7,14): Chris Lauretti
Album Photography: Sarah Miller
Mastered With LANDR


*With the exception of the chorus to "Whiskey Sins"

tags

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: Prelude
I am standing at the edge of the world
At the bleak peak of existence
Just waiting to be whole
I see a shadow of myself
I feel a shift in my soul down to the bone
There's two of me, both with a heart of stone
But I guess this means I'm never alone
I'm just falling in and out of each of me
And though my eyes are open I can't see
Last thing I can remember is falling asleep
Then I remember waking at this peak
I close my eyes and I hear a creek
Sound like a door but more like a stream
Maybe I'm stuck living in the in-between
I just want to know what this all means
Am I just chasing dreams
Or is this the life I haven't seen

Lyrics By: Christopher Lauretti
Track Name: Whiskey Sins
Lyrics By: Christopher Lauretti
Track Name: Ghost Passenger Therapy
There is not one day
There is not one hour
There is not one second
That I am alone
I can feel the presence
Of this dark biding essence
I will never escape my fate
Until my expectation date

I wish you could save me
I am my own worst enemy
If I take your hand
You will only be dragged down with me
Because you can't fight an enemy
That is impossible to see

My past is blocking out the sun
It feels like I'm just counting down
Till my final time has come
When my ghost passenger is done

There is not one day
There is not one hour
There is not one second
That I can get away
It forces me to stay
It ties me, it bides me
To the bed of my mistakes

I wish you could save me
I am my own worst enemy
If I take your hand
You will only be dragged down with me
Cause you can't fight an enemy
That is impossible to see

Death of me, Death of me
This life will be the death of me
x2

I know you,
I know why we're here
We all live in fear
We want to be saved
Different substances and different reasons
But the same path to get us here
We all share some doubt
We check in,
So we won't check out

I know I need to change
I know therapy wont save me
I know I need to turn the page
To get where I need to be
I don't need substance therapy
To make me see
This is all on me
And it always will be
It always will be

We don't get regret from the things that brought us here
Because when we get our second chance
We won't live in fear
We don't regret the things that brought us to our knees
Because we see the things that no one sees
We won't drown ourselves in yesterday
Not enough people live for today
We all have our darkness
We all have our demons
We all have our sadness
But how you grow from it
Is what makes us who we are

I know I need to change
I know therapy wont save me
But I need to turn the page
To get where I need to be
I don't need substance therapy
To make me see
This is all on me
And it always will be
It always will be

Lyrics By: Christopher Lauretti
Track Name: Relapse Cycle
Chorus:
I feel in my head
That this will never end
Every word I said I meant
But something takes over me
It takes complete control of my body
I feel this weight as I collapse
There is no worse feeling
Then everytime I relapse

Verse:
I am broken
I have fallen
I have let you down
Time and time again

I can say I'm sorry
But honestly
I'm just weak, a failure
And I can't take the pressure
x2
I keep giving in
Time and time again x4

I don't need your help
I don't need to take you down
Everytime I destroy myself
I don't want you around
Just to watch fall apart

I tried to warn you
From the very start
x2

Chorus:
I feel in my head
That this will never end
Every word I said I meant
But something takes over me
It takes complete control of my body
I feel this weight as I collapse
There is no worse feeling
Then everytime I relapse

Everytime I relapse x2
Relapse

Bridge:
How can you love someone so pathetic
My story isn't tragic
It's just sad
Throwing away everything I had
x2

Verse:
I am broken
I have fallen
I have let you down
Time and time again
I can say I'm sorry
But honestly
I'm just weak, a failure
And I can't take the pressure
I keep giving in
Time and time again
x2

Lyrics By: Christopher Lauretti
Track Name: Youth Rituals
Chorus:
Oh, suddenly I'm free
Is this what it's like to breathe
I shed the weight
My angers gone
It's like part of me
The part that you can't see
Sheds like skin
Away from my body
Is this what it's like
Is this what's like to breathe

Verse:
But now my friends are gone
My family has all moved on
I'm clean or at least it seems
The only place I'm not alone
Is in my dreams
What's free if your still empty
Tell me what's left for me
I can bleed, I can bleed
But my blood was never clean

Verse:
Am I just a stain
Left on my fathers name
Cause inside I am vacant
If I just knew what it meant
I would disappear
But I'm unclear
On what it means to live
I'm not afraid
I'm just naive
I'm numb
From the years I've lost
I can't love
I can't feel

Bridge:
The weight of anger
Even free, I can never leave
Breathe, just breathe
Just breathe with me

Lyrics By: Christopher Lauretti
Track Name: Erase Me
Intro:
Sometimes I think I might move away
Somewhere so very far away
I'll forget your names
Like you seem to avoid mine
Give it time
I think I might actually loose my mind
It's the only place I have left to hide
So are we friends?
Cause you don't seem to care
that I'm dead
Will you miss me in the end?

Chorus:
I want to erase away myself
Start over new again
No letters home to send
No comfort to ignore
from any friend
I will not exist
With my dying words
This is what I wished

It just hurts my heart
To look in your eyes tonight
It just hurts my heart
To watch your love dissipate
And it just hurts my heart
To see your hate

Verse:
I shed away the skin that I am in
Decay flesh and bone
Never born, never grown
No lips to be sown
On my knees
Begging please

I think you're better off without me
I think I'm better cold and empty
I know you won't miss me
Don't act like you care
You were never there

Chorus:
I want to erase away myself
Start over new again
No letters home to send
No comfort to ignore
from any friend
I will not exist
With my dying words
This is what I wished

It just hurts my heart
To look in your eyes tonight
It just hurts my heart
To watch your love dissipate
And it just hurts my heart
To see your hate

I don't have any affect on your life
So you don't need to think twice
Take my fucking life, grab the knife
Cause you know I'd bleed for you
Sometimes I wish you would too
Or maybe just act the way you used too

My mother used to hold me
My father once told me
But now they just cry with me
When your young you're blind x2
When your old there's nowhere to hide
And every time I lied
Just know at least I tried
Because what is a lion without a pride x3


Lyrics By: Christopher Lauretti
Track Name: Confessional
Chorus:
Will you please approach me
This is everything but easy
But I need you to see
The evil I turned out to be
I wish I could say this is just occasional
But this is only the beginning of my confessional

You want to know what's in my head
But if you knew what was in my head
I promise, you would wish I was dead
I can't stand the look of disappointment
My mind will fixate on that moment
Tell me you still love me
Cause if not my life is empty

You want to know what's in my head
But if you knew what was in my head
I promise, you would wish I was dead
I can't stand the look of disappointment
My mind will fixate on that moment

Verse:
I'm begging you
Please don't cry
I can't stand another second
Watching the tears
Fall from your eyes
I have so many more lies
I need you to hear
And I'm so sorry
Because I am everything you feared
I am everything you feared

X2

Chorus:
Will you please approach me
This is everything but easy
But I need you to see
The evil I turned out to be
I wish I could say this is just occasional
But this is only the beginning of my confessional

You want to know what's in my head
But if you knew what was in my head
I promise, you would wish I was dead
I can't stand the look of disappointment
My mind will fixate on that moment
Tell me you still love me
Cause if not my life is empty

Bridge:
(Get Up)
I am sorry to my sister
She doesn't know how much I missed her
I am sorry to my brother
Because I wish I could have helped him further
I am sorry to my father
Because I feel I never made him proud
I am sorry to my mother
When she needed me I was no where to be found

Chorus:
You want to know what's in my head
But if you knew what was in my head
I promise, you would wish I was dead
I can't stand the look of disappointment
My mind will fixate on that moment

Tell me you still love me
Cause if not my life is empty
X2


Lyrics By: Christopher Lauretti
Track Name: Breaking The Curse
Verse:
You can see the change in my eyes
Hit the switch to illuminate the lies
This time, this time I will not drown
I will bury the king and take my crown

I am, the only one I can blame
I am, the only one throwing dirt on my name
Now, I will swallow my pride
My family curse is only along for the ride
I will right the wrongs caused by me
I will become the man I claim to be x2

Chorus:
I have seen my mistakes
Now it’s time for me to change face
I can feel my vices
Grabbing, dragging me down to the darkest place

My soul is riddled by vices
(But I refuse to sink)
Again and again I dig my own grave
(But I refuse to sink)

x2

But I refuse to sink x4

Verse:
You can see the changes in my eyes
Hit the switch to illuminate the lies
This time, this time I will not drown
I will bury the king and take my crown

Chorus:
I have seen my mistakes
Now it’s time for me to change face
I can feel my vices
Grabbing, dragging me down to the darkest place

My soul is riddled by vices
(But I refuse to sink)
Again and again I dig my own grave
(But I refuse to sink)

I have seen my mistakes
Now it’s time for me to change face
I can feel my vices

Bridge:
(Set me free)
Open your eyes and you will see
(That this is me)
And I have cut free the anchor that will
(Set me free)
And for the first time I am alive
Finally I decide how I live and when I die
(Set me free)
I decide how I live and when I die
(But I refuse to sink)
Set me free x5
(But i refuse to sink)

Chorus:
(But i refuse to sink)

I have seen my mistakes
Now it’s time for me to change face
I can feel my vices
Grabbing, dragging me down to the darkest place

My soul is riddled by vices
(But I refuse to sink)
Again and again I dig my own grave
(But I refuse to sink)

I have seen my mistakes
Now it’s time for me to change face
I can feel my vices

Verse:
(Set me free)
Open your eyes and you will see
(That this is me)
And I have cut free the anchor that will
(Set me free)
And for the first time I am alive
Finally I decide how I live and when I die
(Set me free)
I decide how I live and when I die
(But I refuse to sink)
Set me free x4


Lyrics By: Christopher Lauretti
Track Name: Daisies (New Hope)
Intro:
This is my one and only chance at something real
Something that I never thought I'd feel
There's just something in her eyes
It tells me that she never lies
Or will ever stray too far from me
Is this how it was always supposed to be
I am a part of you,
And you are all of me

Chorus:
You and me
You and me will push up daisies
Beautifully
You and me will sleep so freely
Carefully
Please find your way back to me
You and me
You and me will push up daisies
(She watched me crumble)
(She watched me burn)

You and me
You and me will push up daisies
Beautifully
You and me will sleep so freely
Carefully
Please find your way back to me
You and me
You and me will push up daisies
(It was this that made me learn)
(True love is something that you earn)

You and me
You and me will push up daisies
x4

Verse:
I am reborn in a new light
Every time it pulls me down
I still continue to fight

She watched me crumble
She watched me burn
It was this that made me learn
True love is something that you earn
x2

This is my one and only chance at something real
Something that I never thought I'd feel
There's just something in her eyes
It tells me that she never lies
Or will ever stray too far from me
Is this how it was always supposed to be
I am a part of you,
And you are all of me

Chorus:
You and me
You and me will push up daisies
Beautifully
You and me will sleep so freely
Carefully
Please find your way back to me
You and me
You and me will push up daisies
(She watched me crumble)
(She watched me burn)

You and me
You and me will push up daisies
Beautifully
You and me will sleep so freely
Carefully
Please find your way back to me
You and me
You and me will push up daisies
(It was this that made me learn)
(True love is something that you earn)

You and me
You and me will push up daisies
x4

Verse:
And at the thought of losing this
I fall back to my un-conscience coping
In this bottle I lay here soaking

And at the thought of losing you
I just stop any and all hoping
My vices begin the pulling
And my demons begin provoking

My legs turn weak
When she looks inside me
I don't want her to see
The monster manifesting inside of me
The reflection of the person I used to be

I have no fear
But if you disappear
and I am alone again
I will begin to question myself
and where I've been

"...and just as I was losing my grip on reality
You decide to stay and be the only thing that grounds me"

Chorus:
You and me
You and me will push up daisies
Beautifully
You and me will sleep so freely
Carefully
Please find your way back to me
You and me
You and me will push up daisies
(She watched me crumble)
(She watched me burn)

You and me
You and me will push up daisies
x4
(It was this that made me learn)
(True love is something that you earn)


Lyrics By: Christopher Lauretti
Track Name: Gravity & Consistency (Whiskey Thoughts I, II, III)
Intro:
I am trapped between vices and virtues
In the end which do I choose
No one is ever happy with what they got
Be grateful
Because tomorrow you might not
x2

Verse:
Every time I take a sip
My filter begins to slip
Ringing out my inner thoughts
As my liver begins to rot
Living life with your vices
Isn't life it's fucking lifeless
I am not all I can be
My soul is fucking empty
I am selfish and flawed
But I still don't need god

Chorus:
Everywhere I go, this black cloud follows me
It pulls to me like gravity
Marking me, for everyone to see
That I have fucked up constantly

This isn't life, this isn't real
I need you to tell me how to feel
This is a story, this is a dream
Nothing is ever what it seems

Save me from myself
Save me from myself

Verse:
I live like I have something to prove to myself
How can I overcome myself
I thought I was better then this
How do I discover my own bliss

With every swig I take
I make far more then one mistake
I can't control myself
Let alone my actions
I can see my life
Dividing into fractions
I can see in my family
Whisky just makes us angry

Chorus:
Everywhere I go, this black cloud follows me
It pulls to me like gravity
Marking me, for everyone to see
That I have fucked up constantly

This isn't life, this isn't real
I need you to tell me how to feel
This is a story, this is a dream
Nothing is ever what it seems

Verse:
But it makes me feel free
Freedom from the world
That surrounds me
I know one day I will make the choice
Between freedom and family
I know now more then ever
Family is everything to me
Because family brings me safety
And this bottles fucking empty
For every step forward
I take two steps back
I get hung up on the things I lack
Every sip, every swig
Helps me to forget
I'm trying to learn
Not to live in regret
I hold myself up to the mirror
I am a coward

Closer
Who runs from everything
When I look in to the mirror
I don't see anything
I smash my fist through the glass
My lacerations may not last
But my demons will never pass
Will never pass


Lyrics By: Christopher Lauretti
Track Name: Heroin Verses I, II, III
Intro:
You disappeared from my life
For three years you didn't call or write
Now you say you need my help
I respond without a shadow of doubt

Chorus:
Wherever you are,
I hope your happy
I hope your clean
Wherever you are,
I hope you found your place
I hope you found your meaning
And as long as I'm still breathing
You will never be alone
And as long as I'm still breathing
You will always have a home

x2

Verse:
But can you honestly tell me
That you won't tell another lie
If you won't let me in
How can you win
You say you know your limit
You know your tolerance
You think your so mature
Your the perfect age for ignorance

You can't blame yourself
For the things that happen
It is out of your control

Injecting yourself with this poison
Is not a real solution
Every time you hit the peak
It just makes you weak x2

(She's not breathing)
I won't watch you
Kill yourself senselessly
Your not blood
But you are family

You can't blame yourself
For the things that happen
It is out of your control

Injecting yourself with this poison
Is not a real solution
Every time you hit the peak
It just makes you weak x2

Chorus:
Wherever you are,
I hope your happy
I hope your clean
Wherever you are,
I hope you found your place
I hope you found your meaning
And as long as I'm still breathing
You will never be alone
And as long as I'm still breathing
You will always have a home

Verse:
I didn't put a gun to your head
I didn't put the needle in your arm
I didn't put the voices in your head
I didn't put the scum in your bed

The choices we make, could make us
Or take us to our grave
I know that you want to be brave
But someday there will be nothing left to save

You ran out to get high
To feel like you could fly
And I don't want to say goodbye
But the only way I see out
Is either jail or die

Everything you did
You did to yourself
You don't know how to feel
Cause you've never felt
If all this is true,
Why do I still blame myself

I am starting to believe
Your a monster when your sober
Your a monster when your not
This has made you a deceiver
You derailed from the plot
You used to be so gorgeous
You used to be so beautiful
You drained it out your veins
And with every needle,
You don't just kill the artist
You destroyed all the frames

How many bridges must you burn
And will you ever fucking learn
Soon it will be your turn
You can't afford to raise the stakes
We all must pay for our mistakes
I just pray you have what it takes

Chorus:
Wherever you are,
I hope your happy
I hope your clean
Wherever you are,
I hope you found your place
I hope you found your meaning
And as long as I'm still breathing
You will never be alone
And as long as I'm still breathing
You will always have a home

Verse:
What the fuck were you thinking
My respect for you keeps sinking
You gave in to him for just a hit
Tell me girl was it worth it
Was it worth it to lose yourself
Was it worth it,
To lose everything you loved
Your selfish and you took advantage

Wake up
Get out of this bed
I gave you a place to rest your head
Not for you to continue being dead
Get out of this bed
And make something of your life

I will be your detox
I will be your savior
I will board up all the windows
And re-lock all the locks
I will keep safe
From yourself and the world
I will help you to start over
I swear I will never leave her

I always knew that you were better
I always knew that you were better
Better then the damage
You caused with your wrath
Better then the wreckage
You left in your path

Wake up
Open your eyes to the beauty before you
Show the world you are pulling through
I know you can do anything you set your mind too
You can be yourself, you no longer have to wait
I know you can free yourself and release all the hate

Chorus:
Wherever you are,
I hope your happy
I hope your clean
Wherever you are,
I hope you found your place
I hope you found your meaning
And as long as I'm still breathing
You will never be alone
And as long as I'm still breathing
You will always have a home


Lyrics By: Christopher Lauretti
Track Name: The Feels (Bonus Track)
Chorus:
I wish I could, I wish I could
I wish I could save you
From all these feelings you have
That make you feel worthless
And that you don't have a brain
I know I'm clinically insane
I know that you can't deal
With the way that I feel
But you're perfect
And with you is the only time
Anything feels real
Feels...

Verse:
I know sometimes you get sad
And sometimes there's no telling how bad
I know sometimes you feel so low
And you can't let go
I know I should never tell you to calm down
But I think you should before you drown
X2

So when you're feeling that low
And you can't let it go
Remember that time at the beach
Or when we danced in the street
With rain pouring down
In the hot summer heat
You never cease to amaze
I feel it's worth giving praise

Chorus:
I wish I could, I wish I could
I wish I could save you
From all these feelings you have
That make you feel worthless
And that you don't have a brain
I know I'm clinically insane
I know that you can't deal
With the way that I feel
But you're perfect
And with you is the only time
Anything feels real
Feels...

Verse:
And just know that the good out weighs bad
When it comes to feelings we have
So here's a breakdown

(So here's a breakdown)
Let your fist feel someone's face
Take your feelings out on another
I'll be your punching bag atleast
Share your feelings of pain
And let them bleed out the same
Let them bleed out the same
X2

Chorus:
I wish I could, I wish I could
I wish I could save you
From all these feelings you have
That make you feel worthless
And that you don't have a brain
I know I'm clinically insane
I know that you can't deal
With the way that I feel
But you're perfect
And with you is the only time
Anything feels real
Feels...

Outro:
Let your fist feel someone's face
Take your feelings out on another
I'll be your punching bag atleast
Share your feelings of pain
And let them bleed out the same
Let them bleed out the same


Lyrics By: Christopher Lauretti
Track Name: Share A Toast (Bonus Track)
Heartless only describes me
as a small entity
Of the evil I can be
I'm a crooked hungry coward
All my words are contemporary
Tell me what you believe
So I can tear it down
Showing you there is nothing to be found
And when my soul leaves the ground
I won't go up and I won't go down
I'll be stuck here till I make you proud
Cause
I'm not a son, nor a spouse
I am here to keep satin in your mouth
Cause you speak of this evil
And divine pride
But all you get in return
Is the prayers full of let downs
Atleast if I was god
I might stick around
Not ask you to praise
An idea that will never be found

So if heaven dies tonight
I think we'll be alright
Share a toast with the devil
And call it a night

Cut out my eyes
So I can't ever blame my sight
Pour out the gasoline
and hand me the light

I've been a rebel
I've been a cause
I've never been stuck down here for too long
x2


Lyrics By: Christopher Lauretti
Track Name: Vertical Vision (Bonus Track)
Verse:
I will drink till I forget
I will sink till there's nothing left
It's like an external force is guiding
I'm not me
I'm just watching from the outside
But in the start I wished this on me
If only I had the ability to see

I want to wash away my mistakes
Or die doing what it takes
X2

Verse:
I'll smoke till I have no breath
I plan to suffer even after death
As the room spins and I lose wind
I begin to drown in my own sin
I never wanted to win
Just to forget
Now I stare from the floor
With my cynical grin

Chorus:
I think I'm tripping
Off the vertical vision
I only know the things I'm missing
I think I'm heading for collision
Be careful what your wishing
You just might get it

If your still looking
I'm on the floor by the door
If your still looking

Verse:
I want to wash away my mistakes
Or die doing what it takes
I put my life in the hands of a bottle
Strike me down For the last time
I'm telling you that my blackout was sign
I want to wash away my mistakes
Or die doing what it takes

Chorus:
I think I'm tripping
Off the vertical vision
I think I'm heading for collision
I only know the things I'm missing
Be careful what your wishing
You just might get it
I'm on the floor by the door
If your still looking

Verse:
I want to wash away my mistakes
Or die doing what it takes
I put my life in the hands of a bottle
Strike me down For the last time
I'm telling you that my blackout was sign
I want to wash away my mistakes
Or die doing what it takes


Lyrics By: Christopher Lauretti
Track Name: Depth (Bonus Track)
Verse:
Have you ever reached deep inside yourself
Below the Hate and emotional reactions
To find yourself in the chemical imbalance
To face yourself is something so selfless
It blows me away when we hit the very bottom
We learn so much more than we lose
It was never about the path that we choose

Chorus:
I'm drowning at the bottom
Don't save me, don't help me
I need to feel this lonely
I need to escape myself
So I can separate mind and self
Will it ever be low enough
The tides are changing
The waves are getting rough
Will I ever sink low enough
low enough

Verse:
Are we built for lives of pride
Or is up to us to decide
Are we passengers
Only along for the ride
In who do we confide
Is there anywhere left to hide
Or do we control our lives
Our existence was built on lies
Hitting bottom is freedom
We need to cut all ties
X2

I found myself below the lowest lows
I am Finally free and I am ready to let go
There are answers, we don't need to know
Above all my enemies, I am my biggest foe
Do you think you have what it takes to let go
I guess there is only one way to know
Tie yourself to the heaviest anchor
Shut your mouth, stop talking, time to show
That you have What it takes to let go


Lyrics By: Christopher Lauretti